And so it goes....

It's not a secret I miss my grandmother. I miss her TERRIBLY. In fact, this may be one of the hardest deaths, thus far, that I've had to endure. It's been nearly a year, and I can cry at the near mention of her name: still (and let me tell ya, I'm the queen of losing people!). Never did I expect to still be this impacted a year later. Today was my grandmother's birthday. Yes, I dreaded this day since the day I lost her. Both of my kids had the day off from school and BOTH of them home all day together is stressful enough. Thankfully, my husband took a half of day vacation from work and that eased many anxieties of the anticipated day. In many ways, I feel VERY alone with the loss of my grandmother. I am an only child and my mother's brother never was married and/or had kids. Being 89 years old, my grandmother's siblings and friends had all passed away previously. So, really, it leaves my mother, my uncle, and myself who would be more impacted than anyone. My mother is pretty closed in with emotions and affection and whenever I talk about my grandma out of the blue, she tends to drop the topic. I am guessing because it is painful and that is how she deals with things. My uncle lives 2 hours away (as did my grandmother) so that leaves, pretty much, me alone to deal with this. My day was doing fine as can be expected. We took the kids to get pizza and then to Toys R Us for a little fun outing and I was stoked that, as of 6pm, the day was easier than expected. That was until I called my mother to see what she was doing (I talk with her everyday at least once or twice). Enter MAJOR drama here. My uncle, on the other hand, is NOT doing well. He always farmed/lived with my grandparents on the 80 acres of land that had been in the family since the early 1900s. Maybe 6 years ago, he started showing signs of some type of mental illness, but, of course, my grandmother's generation really looks at that kind of thing as "taboo" and back then, they shipped the "insane" to a state mental hospital. Needless to say, he never received any help and quite honestly, doesn't believe he has a problem. I suspect it is a paranoid schizophrenia thing....makes things even MORE difficult (like reasoning with a brick wall). He never calls my mother. NEVER. He never answers the phone when ANYONE calls him. He doesn't answer the door at home if anyone knocks (only us). SO, when he called my mother this evening, my mother knew something was up and it couldn't be a happy social call. He misses my grandma (don't we all....maybe he shouldn't have left her laying on the floor for three days before calling an ambulance to help her...the bed sores wouldn't have killed her. Just sayin'). He doesn't want to live there anymore (though, he wont' move, either)..and he is sick. Sick. But not the "sick" that he really is and not the even the other kind of sick that winter may bring someone. Nope. According to him, he "has air under his skin" and "They are all around watching". In the past, his brain has been zapped by "them" and the phones tapped. He even left my grandmother at a Walmart one time because he had to check the house. He told my mother tonight that the house should be "bulldozed" or just "burnt down". My mother told him she was coming to visit on Sunday and he replied, "If I am not dead by then". And thus, we begin more battling than we went through after she died with this "brick wall". My mother became executor of the estate (no will...nobody on the deed to the property due to tax purposes) and decided to sell the property. Luckily, the new owner wanted the land mostly so he decided to "rent" to my uncle (though, my uncle has never paid rent...another story). It was a battle with my uncle who didn't want to sell, but wouldn't give input nor take initiative to do anything....and he certainly couldn't buy my mother's half of it...so there it went. The owner hasn't evicted him, I am sure, due to being nice and understanding, but this guy just doesn't understand it would be in my uncle's best interest because then he would HAVE to do something to help himself, which, I believe, would take him closer to us. Yeah. Fun, isn't it? Why don't we have guardianship? Boy, that is what I want to know. According to an attorney on "THAT" side of the state (which is WAY backwards, if you ask me), it can't happen unless he agrees in this case. He isn't a threat to himself. He hasn't hurt anyone else. Oh..yes...my grandma??? Yes...well, protective services wrote the case up, the prosecuting attorney threw it out since it didn't show "criminal intent". Nope. That's correct..it didn't. But it isn't NORMAL to leave someone on the floor for three days with no medical help. The same jurisdiction that also stated they wouldn't do a forced entry into a home for a welfare check on a person if nobody answered the door (they would just leave...kind of defeats the purpose of a check welfare, doesn't it?). Having been in the criminal justice line of work, I know that stuff just doesn't jive and chances are things would go a little differently where I am from. I have encouraged my mother to go for guardianship and/or tell Mr. Landlord that if he doesn't do something and my uncle burns down the house and dies in it, be prepared to get an attorney. If it were me, I wouldn't have tolerated this much for this long. It's too much stress and the house is STILL not cleaned out of my grandmother's 40 years of residency there (barns, sheds, 80 acres). I would've cleaned the stuff out while I still was executor and then let him live his life. Little harsh? Maybe. But you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped and there is only so much the law let's you do until something tragic (not even that) happens.