Sandy Hook, Connecticut

The day started out a little differently today as it was. Normally, because of an iron deficiency and Celiac Disease, I sleep until whenever I wake up and get out of bed. This morning, however, I had a 1030 appointment. Right before I left home, I saw a headline that mentioned a school shooting in Connecticut. I didn't take any time to read about it as I was heading out the door and besides, let's be honest: this isn't an uncommon thing to hear about any longer in our society.

I feel SICK even SAYING that: "...it isn't an uncommon thing to hear about....".

Are we becoming "immune" to tragedies of innocent people?


I will be straight out and honest. Although upon reading the headline, I thought, "Another shooting? That sucks" and out the door I went. But what I didn't realize was the magnitude of this incident and the impact it would have on MYSELF.

It was almost 1130 when I finally was able to get out of the doctor's office. Because my husband asked me to, I called him when I was done. That is when I heard a little more about this shooting. At this point, I believe he told me they were only saying about 4 confirmed dead.


I needed to run to Hobby Lobby for a few things so after I was done talking to my husband, I headed that way. All the way there, I listened to Fox News on Sirius XM. The more I learned, the worse I realized this was becoming. It was in the scrapbook paper aisle looking for a news stream on the iphone when I came across a headline that gave an ASTOUNDING number of deaths. At that point, it was about 18 total, but it was COMPLETELY enough for me to go over the edge.

It was right there and then I started crying. Maybe it was the number of deaths? Maybe it was that it was a school? Maybe the fact that while Sandy Hook just lost their principal, our principal's last day is NEXT Friday? Could it be the fact these kids are the same age as my son? Or maybe it was the fact this school, Sandy Hook, is VERY similar to the school my own children attend. Sandy Hook is rated a 10 on Great Schools' website. The schools in my kids' district are also at 9s and 10s in an affluent area.

My blood sugar started dropping (very wrong timing), but all I wanted to do was see my kids. I was sweating, shaking, desperately trying to finish up shopping for the things I needed, and wiping small streams of tears seeping from the corners of my eyes.

Somehow, I made it through the checkout and to the car.....called my husband again, and lost my emotions completely. I wanted to go home, but I needed to eat because of my blood sugar. I wanted to go to my kids' schools and take them home, but I didn't want to disrupt school and let the Connecticut gunman "win". I wanted to eat, but I wanted to do all of the other things I mentioned.

McDonald's was my first stop. I am "supposed" to be gluten-free due to Celiac Disease, but at that point, I didn't care. I scarfed down a regular cheeseburger and a yogurt parfait (that was Celiac Disease-friendly).

At 230, I was supposed to be at my son's school for his gingerbread house making party, but I couldn't wait that long to see my kids. On my way to school, I called my mother at work. THANK GOODNESS FOR BLUETOOTH CONNECTIONS! I was able to talk and drive at the same time.

SO, while I was hoping Mom would be able to calm me down, I kind of got the opposite.

"You need to get on that school PTA and blah blah blah school security and blah blah".

UGH. Thanks, Mom.

I pulled in first to my daughter's school at 130 (second grade is in a different building as Kindergarten). Upon entering the front door, I went to the small table outside of the office where visitors are supposed to sign in and grab a visitor badge to wear.

That was one thing that pissed me off.

I looked around and nobody from the office came out to question me about where I was going or anything like that (office is all glass walls). Should I have laughed or cried?????? UGH!

SERIOUSLY??!!!!

Once I put the pen down from signing my name, I grabbed one of the generic visitor badges that was in a pile in a box waiting for other random people to utilize. I didn't even clip it on me. I held onto the badge and proceeded to walk down the hall to my daughter's classroom.

The gym doors were open as I passed and there were kids in gym class running around. I passed what appeared to be a music class with their classroom door open. There were kids sitting in the hall at desks doing possibly makeup work. Still, not one person stopped me, asked who I was or where I was going.

SERIOUSLY??!!!

I walked right into my daughter's classroom where the kids were busy working on some math paper quietly. The teacher was at her desk looking down at something and had no idea I even entered the classroom.

It wasn't until my child said, "MOMMY!!" that her teacher even looked up to see what was happening.

UGH!

I snuck over to her teacher and told her I just really felt compelled to stop in because of the entire Connecticut thing. She looked at my completely dumbfounded and pulled me in the hall so that I could fill her in on things.

With today's technology, that school district couldn't quickly send teachers email to let them know briefly what happened to maybe be on the lookout for any weird or suspicious activity (maybe COPYCAT behavior?).

Obviously, we didn't talk about it in class, but I decided to take my daughter with me to my son's party and since it was about 2p with only about an hour left in school, it wasn't a huge deal.

NOWWWWWW........I got to my son's school and had a hard time trying to find a place to park. This school district ALWAYS has a large turnout of parents at events (which is good!). When my daughter and I walked into the front door, again, there was nobody around to question who we were or where we were going. There isn't even a sign-in sheet for visitors anywhere.

Seriously.....................

We walked down the winding hall and once again, there are open classroom doors filled with parents and students doing their gingerbread houses. I didn't see one teacher or any other school employee in the hallway and not one person questioned me, stopped me, said hi to me....NOTHING.

Seriously!??!!???

For the record, I am not psychopath killer, but who was to say that I didn't turn into a freaky mother toting a weapon?? Sure, a few people know me from school....some may have seen me around.....but they don't KNOW me and I bet most couldn't tell you whose mother I am!

WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE??? WHY are people just permitted to walk the halls of school without being questioned IMMEDIATELY?

While making gingerbread houses, I looked around at the kids around me. ALL of them about 5 years old and in kindergarten. I tried to stay focused on the project at hand, but it was difficult not to think about the parents that have lost their children....the sweet and innocent children like I was amongst today.

When I asked my son's teacher if she heard about Connecticut, she hadn't, either. When I told her about it, she said, "I am so glad out school has the security it does".

Security??? Was she kidding?????

UGH!!!!

It may be time for this white momma to get involved in some PTA or get beastie and vocal on an administration building/school board.

Sandy Hook had probably one of the greatest systems. Unfortunately, somehow, someway, the suspect was able to get around it.

May God be with the people and families that are impacted in any way by this needless tragedy <3

Still time left!!

There is still time to enter to win "Catch a Falling Snowflake"! Such talent, Willa!!





Good luck to everyone!! :)

Prim Ornie Giveaway.....

I found a cute blog tonight while surfing through blogs that I already follow. Tammy made the MOST DARLING little Santa ornament and she wants to give it AWAY TO YOU!! Seriously! It's stuffed with rags and straw so it actually feels like a vintage primitive ornie :)




Head on over and check Tammy's blog out and see sweet little Santa....<3

Life Changes......

Do you believe in things such as palm reading? I remember in middle school, a classmate looked at my palm and told me my life line was "cut off"....symbolizing a "cut off" life. And when you look at that life line, it stretches down my palm, but another unknown line clearly intersects it, forming a perfect T. The life line stops right there.

From that moment, I truly always believed that my life would be shorter than average. In fact, I am actually surprised I've made it to 40. Though, it's no surprise that beginning January, midway into my 39th year, things started going downhill.

It started with the eyesight. Oh YES...the dreaded eyesight!! When the optometrist said, "BIFOCALS", I said, "Nuh huh! MY MOTHER has bifocals..NOT ME!!" But when they put those suckers on my face and presented some text, I couldn't deny the fugly truth.

Bifocals it was.

A few months later (and many blood tests later), it was PCOS and insulin resistance.

WOW. Insulin resistance. That would entail learning how to eat differently.

I guess it may not have been so bad if we were like a "normal" household. Cooking meals is a rarity. Ever since I was pregnant with my daughter, I've become extremely picky and sensitive to "textures" of food, smells, sights, etc.


My OBGYN sent me to a gastro because I had been experiencing some weird painful cramping on my sides after I eat. Doctor suggested IBS, but suggested the wonderful colonoscopy. He added the endoscopy, as well, since I do experience the reflux.

By the time the procedure rolled around, I had reached the 40 mark.

Biopsy from the endoscopy came back as CELIAC DISEASE.

Oh yes.

CELIAC DISEASE.

My mouth dropped open.

Where in the HELL did that come from?? I didn't even know I was being tested for that.


But....that's what it was. The villa were all blunted and that explained the low levels of iron and vitamin D.

Beautiful.

My first shopping trip after I was brave enough to go gluten-free resulted in tears in the middle of the store.

What a slow, complicated process of learning and, honestly, unlearning.

I became fed up, gave up, and restarted 4 weeks later.

Now I am nearly 2 weeks out of gluten free. It's been hell. And I am not going to lie about that.

There is nothing fun about this. There is nothing YUM about this. Quite honestly, I am disgusted by the food that have been made "gluten-free" such as breads, cookies, crackers, etc.

There is NOTHING good about them. In fact, even the cookies don't leave me saying, "Ugh...I just ONE MORE, please!". Nope.

I've tried the homemade baked goods from a local chef at a country club even.

Nope. Not my thing. Horrific.

So, pretty much, I'm left with eating things that are natural. Fruits, vegetables, and meats. In theory, dairy should even be left out until the intestines heal, but I don't think I can deprive myself of that.

But my one LOVE LOVE LOVE is GF Mongolian Beef from PF Changs.

I don't understand why people decide to go gluten free when they aren't medically obligated to it. I really just don't understand and I HATE THOSE people. I would completely trade places with them in a second. There is NOTHING fun about this lifestyle. NOTHING.

And let me be the first to tell you, it pisses off family members who don't understand the disease.

I experienced it first hand at Thanksgiving yesterday when my step-father swore at me with a "Je*** Ch****" as if I was just being "picky". When he "apologized", I said that he was mean and he yelled again with, "I just said I was sorry! What the hell else can I do?"

It's not an easy road. The rocky road I was trying to mend from the past with him has since uprooted again. My heart hurts and I just don't know if it can heal again. This is my health. This isn't about high school issues in the past of missing curfew, etc. This is about MY HEALTH. And I have two kids. I am 40 years old and I am not going to sit there and take it from him.

Ironically, it was my schizophrenic uncle that was the most understanding of them all.

Oh, how I miss my days as a child spending my time at my grandparents' (my uncle lived there, too).

Crafty Things.....

Been almost TWO months since a post!

Anyway, thought I would share a few layouts I had done. I don't usually share these things because compared to many layouts that are shown online, I completely SUCK! But, still...it's something I've done and I need to post...so be it!


One of my favorites is of Lucy and one of the first I did with an AWESOME tool by Zutter: Distrezz It All.






A few years back, I started getting into altering things. I started out small and have moved on to actual bigger things (furniture kind of things).

One of my first projects: clipboards! Grab one from Walmart and GO!





A small paint can turned into a pencil holder:





Another one of my first things was a paint can. Not the best picture, but I swiped this idea from a scrapbook store where I saw a finished product:






Mod Podge is a WONDERFUL thing. I also used basic skewers you can get at a dollar store and a hot glue gun. To anchor the pictures on the skewers, I took some of the green foamy floral square thingies (have NO idea what you call them) and shoved them in the bottom of the can. Swiped some shredded paper that you would use to fill a gift bag and VOILA.

Mysterious Lamp.....

As a child, I remember this lamp being in my great-grandmother's home. I didn't know her, but my great-uncle still lived there. Of course, being young, I didn't have an interest in this kind of stuff, but I really wish I had or learned more about so many of these items before my grandmother passed away.

When my great-uncle died in 1989, my grandma was hellbent on getting this lamp out of that house. It's been in her home ever since and now it resides at my mother's (I believe the table it sits on also was a part of this set, but I don't know for sure). My mother really didn't want it (she just isn't into anything that adds to "clutter"), but I insisted she take it. I wanted it, but but because my oldest child is just short of 8 years old, there was no way I would dare keep that sucker in my house.

Isn't it gorgeous? I really wish I knew more about it, but I did not see any markings that would help identify it.

Another Find at Grandma's.....

A few years back, my grandmother gave me a crock she had in the "hoghouse" (It was always known as the hoghouse, though, she never had any hogs/pigs....apparently her brother did years ago). It was a 12 gallon with the number 12 encased by a star. I think I may have identified that one, though, I can't recall now. Figures.

A few weeks back, another crock was found in that hoghouse, though, this one is a little more mysterious and difficult to track down. A VERY heavy 15 gallon'er with a clover surrounding the number.

I searched like CRAZY trying to find background on this sucker and found only one that may be it: Miller Pottery out of Georgia. Or was it Alabama? Still have not see anything else like this symbol online as far as FOR SALE goes to get a guestimate on its worth, though. Any other crock is out there, but it seems this one is a rare breed to come buy. And that's ok...I am not parting with it, by any means....I just like to know what I have ahold of. Now, what in the heck do I DO with these things now that I have them? Just keep them sitting around?

What Happens When the KIDS get the iPhone......

We took a mini-roadtrip to Mishawaka, IN this past weekend. Sometimes we just do these little "get-aways" just to do them.



While in our Residence Inn room, my daughter happened across my iPhone, I guess, because here is what I've discovered on it:)









I love these little surprises....they make me smile:)

"Getting Over" Jack Wagner......

One of the earliest TV shows I ever remember watching as a child was General Hospital. It was just one of those things where if Mom watched it, you just kind of "got into it", as well. Elizabeth Taylor was Helena Cassadine and Laura was just married to Scott Baldwin. (seriously..someone pass me some Miss Clairol, already).

As I got into high school, the big characters were Tony Jones, Tania, Leslie Webber had been killed off, Bobbie had purchased the Brownstone, Sean Donnely, Anna Devane, Robert and Holly, a newcomer of Kimberly McCullough as Robin Scorpio, Tiffany Hill, Blackie Parish, and.....ahhhh....Jack Wagner.

Jack Wagner.

As a freshman in high school (86/87), Jack Wagner to me became what Justin Bieber is to kids today (though, Jack was a little older than Justin). Every album, cassette tape, Tiger Beat magazine with him on it....oh man..they were mine. It's no wonder that I still mentally blast back to those years whenever SiriusXM tosses on his "All I Need" tune.

A few years ago, I learned that Jack was all into Heather Locklear. No, I wasn't exactly bitter. I never really looked at him "like that", to begin with, but still, if I DID, I am realistic!! However, I learned to dislike this information immensely, anyway.

It was around that same time, while reading about Heather and Jack, that I learned he had cheated on Kristina Malandro. Well, ok...at least that was the rumor mill. And VOILA. At 37yo, I found my reasons to "dislike" him haha.

A few months back, I learned Heather and Jack split for whatever reason(s)...ironically, happening around the time Jack discovered his long-lost daughter. A little relief, but a little disgust over a FLING that produced a daughter...though, I don't know the whole story, obviously, and it truly is none of my business.

I still clung to my reasons to dislike Jack Wagner. Dislike. DISLIKE. This afternoon while waiting for my daughter to get out of school in our humble little po-dunk town in poverty-stricken Michigan, SiriusXM did it again and out blared Jack Wagner "All I Need". It stopped me in my tracks.

As if it were yesterday, I immediately was brought back to my freshman year and I COULDN'T HELP but smile. I wanted to dislike him and I wanted to turn the channel, but I couldn't. In fact, I found myself turning the radio up and singing along. How can I dislike someone/something that brought me SO MUCH when I was an early teen?

I tried. I did. I found myself hauling out the Jack tunes on the iPod for the ride home.

Morton Salt has NOTHING over my house!

I always loved the Morton Salt logo... You know: the one of the little girl carrying the container of salt backwards/upside down only to have it pour out the back? "When it rains, it pours".

Salt aside, that pretty much sums up my household this week. Well, ok... It just sums up my household period. Never a dull moment.

On Thursday afternoon, my five year old started complaining of a belly ache. By 530, he was vomiting. By 8p, the count was at 4 but thankfully, it was his last and he slept soundly all night. Friday was a good day despite it was my grandmothers birthday. Nobody else was sick so we chalked it up to something the kiddo ate. My husband took half a day since neither kid had school. We took them out for pizza and then for a visit to Toys R Us.

It was after we got home when I learned about my uncle's phone call to my mother. A few hours later, my husband started to vomit. Lovely. That was shorter lived than my sons.

Enter yesterday afternoon. We had gone to the library. The kids had a great time picking out books and CDs. We met my mother for lunch...it was a fun afternoon.

5pm: my daughter's turn for the vomiting.

The thing that makes it rough with my daughter is her gag reflex is ULTRA sensitive. This kid could not stop!! It was scary! She eventually fell asleep but woke up in tears begging for something to drink. FAIL. Even taking the smallest sips of Sprite resulted in it going back up to the old dish pan she kept at her side for regurgitating purposes. At this point, her eyes had large dark rings around them and her complexion was gray. It was scary. I didnt hesitate to take her to the pediatric ER. They got her rehydrated and stopped the nausea....and we were on our way home and in bed by 6am.

I got up at 330p along with a headache and some serious chest pressure that I had never felt before. EKG normal as is the chest X-ray...and the pressure has gone down, but I've been admitted to the hospital for observation and a few more tests.

Lovely. But, at least if I get the gastro thing, I'm in a good place!

And so it goes....

It's not a secret I miss my grandmother. I miss her TERRIBLY. In fact, this may be one of the hardest deaths, thus far, that I've had to endure. It's been nearly a year, and I can cry at the near mention of her name: still (and let me tell ya, I'm the queen of losing people!). Never did I expect to still be this impacted a year later. Today was my grandmother's birthday. Yes, I dreaded this day since the day I lost her. Both of my kids had the day off from school and BOTH of them home all day together is stressful enough. Thankfully, my husband took a half of day vacation from work and that eased many anxieties of the anticipated day. In many ways, I feel VERY alone with the loss of my grandmother. I am an only child and my mother's brother never was married and/or had kids. Being 89 years old, my grandmother's siblings and friends had all passed away previously. So, really, it leaves my mother, my uncle, and myself who would be more impacted than anyone. My mother is pretty closed in with emotions and affection and whenever I talk about my grandma out of the blue, she tends to drop the topic. I am guessing because it is painful and that is how she deals with things. My uncle lives 2 hours away (as did my grandmother) so that leaves, pretty much, me alone to deal with this. My day was doing fine as can be expected. We took the kids to get pizza and then to Toys R Us for a little fun outing and I was stoked that, as of 6pm, the day was easier than expected. That was until I called my mother to see what she was doing (I talk with her everyday at least once or twice). Enter MAJOR drama here. My uncle, on the other hand, is NOT doing well. He always farmed/lived with my grandparents on the 80 acres of land that had been in the family since the early 1900s. Maybe 6 years ago, he started showing signs of some type of mental illness, but, of course, my grandmother's generation really looks at that kind of thing as "taboo" and back then, they shipped the "insane" to a state mental hospital. Needless to say, he never received any help and quite honestly, doesn't believe he has a problem. I suspect it is a paranoid schizophrenia thing....makes things even MORE difficult (like reasoning with a brick wall). He never calls my mother. NEVER. He never answers the phone when ANYONE calls him. He doesn't answer the door at home if anyone knocks (only us). SO, when he called my mother this evening, my mother knew something was up and it couldn't be a happy social call. He misses my grandma (don't we all....maybe he shouldn't have left her laying on the floor for three days before calling an ambulance to help her...the bed sores wouldn't have killed her. Just sayin'). He doesn't want to live there anymore (though, he wont' move, either)..and he is sick. Sick. But not the "sick" that he really is and not the even the other kind of sick that winter may bring someone. Nope. According to him, he "has air under his skin" and "They are all around watching". In the past, his brain has been zapped by "them" and the phones tapped. He even left my grandmother at a Walmart one time because he had to check the house. He told my mother tonight that the house should be "bulldozed" or just "burnt down". My mother told him she was coming to visit on Sunday and he replied, "If I am not dead by then". And thus, we begin more battling than we went through after she died with this "brick wall". My mother became executor of the estate (no will...nobody on the deed to the property due to tax purposes) and decided to sell the property. Luckily, the new owner wanted the land mostly so he decided to "rent" to my uncle (though, my uncle has never paid rent...another story). It was a battle with my uncle who didn't want to sell, but wouldn't give input nor take initiative to do anything....and he certainly couldn't buy my mother's half of it...so there it went. The owner hasn't evicted him, I am sure, due to being nice and understanding, but this guy just doesn't understand it would be in my uncle's best interest because then he would HAVE to do something to help himself, which, I believe, would take him closer to us. Yeah. Fun, isn't it? Why don't we have guardianship? Boy, that is what I want to know. According to an attorney on "THAT" side of the state (which is WAY backwards, if you ask me), it can't happen unless he agrees in this case. He isn't a threat to himself. He hasn't hurt anyone else. Oh..yes...my grandma??? Yes...well, protective services wrote the case up, the prosecuting attorney threw it out since it didn't show "criminal intent". Nope. That's correct..it didn't. But it isn't NORMAL to leave someone on the floor for three days with no medical help. The same jurisdiction that also stated they wouldn't do a forced entry into a home for a welfare check on a person if nobody answered the door (they would just leave...kind of defeats the purpose of a check welfare, doesn't it?). Having been in the criminal justice line of work, I know that stuff just doesn't jive and chances are things would go a little differently where I am from. I have encouraged my mother to go for guardianship and/or tell Mr. Landlord that if he doesn't do something and my uncle burns down the house and dies in it, be prepared to get an attorney. If it were me, I wouldn't have tolerated this much for this long. It's too much stress and the house is STILL not cleaned out of my grandmother's 40 years of residency there (barns, sheds, 80 acres). I would've cleaned the stuff out while I still was executor and then let him live his life. Little harsh? Maybe. But you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped and there is only so much the law let's you do until something tragic (not even that) happens.

I have ISSUES!

So, I am doing this from the Blogger iPhone app and not quite sure how this is going to work with formatting....but, I'll give it a shot.

Earlier this fall, I went through a car wash I had never been through before . Normally, I like to use the ones where we can stay in the car because the kids are always stoked to ride through them. This one, however, they do make you get out. Now, as I walked to the cashier to pay, I saw the COOLEST car coasters and I HAD to get a couple. This one, in particular, seemed to scream my name:). (hopefully the picture will come through)