Mortality and Grief

I've posted before about my grandmother passing and how difficult it had been to deal with. I've posted about my out of this world experience of being at her side while she died. That experience changed my life.

I have a friend whose dad is dying of cancer. He recently has been admitted to hospice, though he is pretty upbeat and still jokes around. I cannot imagine being in this situation with a parent. I've always said that when my mother dies, prepare to dig a hole next to her because that is where I will be shortly thereafter. Yes, that is how hard it WILL be.

But what I've learned is the power of faith is extraordinary. I would not consider myself a "Bible thumper" by any means, however I saw God at work while I was with my grandma. I felt God at work. God gave me strength I never even knew I COULD have. Out of nowhere, my fears left me when I saw my grandma in that hospital bed unresponsive and zombie-like. She knew I was there and squeezed my hand, but she could not open her eyes even though she tried. My usual self would've expected me to curl up in a ball in a corner and bawl my eyes out avoiding seeing her like the plague. That would've been the self-fish and self-centered thing I would've done out of fear and pain. But instead, I went right to her side and stayed there as if it were an instinct and I've done it numerous times (which I never have).

Over two years later, I still can cry at the mere mention of my grandma. I miss her terribly. She still appears in my dreams at night, but I've taken SO much comfort in known I was there for her. I was there to help her, to talk with her, etc at a time when we are most vulnerable and in need. I take comfort in known that my grandma was not afraid to die. She's told me that NUMEROUS times in the past. What I experienced with nothing short of a miracle. Yes, DEATH is a miraculous experience. I felt it. I SAW it. I KNOW there is something more after we die. My grandma left us right after we gave her permission to go. It was within MINUTES after we got back to the hospital in the morning. She hung on. She knew she was going to die and held on before letting go. Why would this happen if she didn't see more after death? I TRULY believe she saw her parents, siblings, friends, my grandfather.

I take SO much comfort in knowing this. I feel amazingly closer to her than I ever have before. I can't explain it, really, but just can tell you to TRUST ME.

AWOL

It's been nearly a couple of months since an entry...primarily because I am just plain TIRED ALL of the time. Combo of sugar/insulin and Celiac Disease. I was doing fine with being gluten-free, but then Chick-Fil-A happened right after New Year's when we were in a different state!! LOL I am a SUCKER for that stuff! I promised to be straight from there on out, but I was never good with promises.

My husband also recently lost his job of 15 years. FIFTEEN years and they just dropped him on his ass. Not surprising, really. They knew he was applying internally for advancement. Because the office he was in consisted solely of 3 people, they couldn't afford to lose him. They gave him a 10K raise (RED FLAG) and tossed him a manager title they eliminated 4 years ago. Almost two months later: BUH BYE.

Moral of the story: If it looks like a fish and it smells like fish, IT IS FISHY. (and never work for the company that bought Detroit Ball Bearing).

It was weird....a little grieving, but this is finally an open door to do what we really want to do: GET OUT OF THIS STATE! I am not mentioning where at the moment, but they don't get snow and the sun shines all but maybe 10 days of the year. THAT is what I want. And looking at how many jobs that post a day in that location: JUST WOW. When one door opens, another closes...and I, for one, am STOKED. Do I shake the old boss' hand? I'd LOVE TO SO. :)

We've already started purging in the house. I am in AWE at how much STUFF accumulates over 10 years. Take my advice! If you haven't touched it in the past year, CLEAR IT OUT. It makes life SO much easier. I've completely come to understand where the clothes moths have come from in the attic area. YIKES.

I just don't think this is going to be an quick move.....and that really isn't good for the impatient types: ME.