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Wednesday, June 15, 2016

30 Day Challenge.....Day 2 Middle Name

Both my first and middle name came from direct relatives. My middle name is Louise. It was my maternal grandmother's middle name, as well :)

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Day 1 of 30 Day Challenge...the TUNES!

Day one consists of randomly shuffling tunes on my iphone up to 10...and what I feel about them. ALWAYS up for talking about music!! :)

1. Baby, Baby, Baby by TLC. TLC takes me back to the early 90s..a GREAT time in my life. This song has an amazing bass and cranks REALLY well in the car:)

2.Man, I Feel Like a Woman by Shania Twain. Late 90s....just a FUN tune easy to sing with...empowering, too! :)

3.What Kind of Man Would I Be? by Chicago. Oh boy. Late 80s...89/90ish. I remember totally being into this one when I was going out with Dan spring 1990. For a long time, it solely reminded me of him, but then as life went on, I was able to relate other things to the song's meaning. Truly one of my all time favorites.

4.It Feels Good by Tony! Toni! Tone! SCREAMING high school!!!! I am thinking senior year...going to East Lansing with brings back many feelings of way back then. To this day, it's one I will crank if it comes up in the car. Yea, I look like a dorky mom with the windows down and crusty music up, but I don't care!!! :)

5. A Little Respect--Erasure. Even though this was more 80s, I was really into this entire album in the early 90s. Erasure reminds me of my friend from high school (and I still talk with her), Heather... I always smile when I think of her...we had some great times and even though she lives across the world, I still love her to pieces.

6. Feenin' by Jodeci. I never really knew too much about Jodeci until the early 90s. I am thinking 92-93ish. A friend and I went to Sparty's (a bar) and a guy I really was into was also there. One of Jodeci's songs came on (I can't recall if it was Feenin' or Cry For You, but they are both great!) and this guy asked me to dance. That dance was ELECTRIC. I am not EVEN kidding. It was like cosmic...I felt in another world....and I think he felt it, as well, as he found us in the parking lot later and was all giddy about it LOL! be 20 something again!!!

7. Fire and Rain by James Taylor This is a VERY bitter sweet one. And I mean REALLY. There are times I cannot even keep it on if it comes on the radio or shows up in shuffle on my phone. A coworker from a PD I worked with brought over a James Taylor one night....this particular song he said he LOVED and then was trying to analyze it. I will never forget that night. He died maybe 10 years later.

8. Dance With Me by Orleans. SCREAMING 70s!!!!! Both this one and "Still the One" take me STRAIGHT back to my childhood..and I mean EARLY childhood. I remember distinctly driving in the car with my mom and hearing Orleans on the AM radio. And yes, I was sitting unbuckled in the front seat with her...hahaha. I LOVE songs that can take my that far back into memories. Bring it!

9.I Try by Macy Gray. I will admit, I HATED this song. HATED it. When it first came out, I was in radio and it played CONSTANTLY. Nails down a chalkboard. One afternoon, I went into the studio to discuss some things with my then program director (I always loved to talking with him)...Macy Gray was one tune that came on during that time (imagine that). Since then, it reminds me of that day.

10. The Cross by Prince. I first purchased this tape (oh yes...CASSETTE TAPE) in Chicago while on a band trip. Paid like $18 bucks back then, but it was the BEST album EVER. That was in spring of 1988 (I believe). In the fall of 1990, I went away to college. A roommate of mine happened to LOVE Prince as much as I loved him. My roommate also had Lupus. She was REALLY sick with Lupus and had always told me that when she dies, she wanted this song played at her funeral (This one and "The Ladder" by Prince). I don't know if that ever happened because when she died a few months later, I home sick with mono so I wasn't able to go. :( I will NEVER forget her and this song will ALWAYS have special meaning.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Mortality and Grief

I've posted before about my grandmother passing and how difficult it had been to deal with. I've posted about my out of this world experience of being at her side while she died. That experience changed my life.

I have a friend whose dad is dying of cancer. He recently has been admitted to hospice, though he is pretty upbeat and still jokes around. I cannot imagine being in this situation with a parent. I've always said that when my mother dies, prepare to dig a hole next to her because that is where I will be shortly thereafter. Yes, that is how hard it WILL be.

But what I've learned is the power of faith is extraordinary. I would not consider myself a "Bible thumper" by any means, however I saw God at work while I was with my grandma. I felt God at work. God gave me strength I never even knew I COULD have. Out of nowhere, my fears left me when I saw my grandma in that hospital bed unresponsive and zombie-like. She knew I was there and squeezed my hand, but she could not open her eyes even though she tried. My usual self would've expected me to curl up in a ball in a corner and bawl my eyes out avoiding seeing her like the plague. That would've been the self-fish and self-centered thing I would've done out of fear and pain. But instead, I went right to her side and stayed there as if it were an instinct and I've done it numerous times (which I never have).

Over two years later, I still can cry at the mere mention of my grandma. I miss her terribly. She still appears in my dreams at night, but I've taken SO much comfort in known I was there for her. I was there to help her, to talk with her, etc at a time when we are most vulnerable and in need. I take comfort in known that my grandma was not afraid to die. She's told me that NUMEROUS times in the past. What I experienced with nothing short of a miracle. Yes, DEATH is a miraculous experience. I felt it. I SAW it. I KNOW there is something more after we die. My grandma left us right after we gave her permission to go. It was within MINUTES after we got back to the hospital in the morning. She hung on. She knew she was going to die and held on before letting go. Why would this happen if she didn't see more after death? I TRULY believe she saw her parents, siblings, friends, my grandfather.

I take SO much comfort in knowing this. I feel amazingly closer to her than I ever have before. I can't explain it, really, but just can tell you to TRUST ME.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013


It's been nearly a couple of months since an entry...primarily because I am just plain TIRED ALL of the time. Combo of sugar/insulin and Celiac Disease. I was doing fine with being gluten-free, but then Chick-Fil-A happened right after New Year's when we were in a different state!! LOL I am a SUCKER for that stuff! I promised to be straight from there on out, but I was never good with promises.

My husband also recently lost his job of 15 years. FIFTEEN years and they just dropped him on his ass. Not surprising, really. They knew he was applying internally for advancement. Because the office he was in consisted solely of 3 people, they couldn't afford to lose him. They gave him a 10K raise (RED FLAG) and tossed him a manager title they eliminated 4 years ago. Almost two months later: BUH BYE.

Moral of the story: If it looks like a fish and it smells like fish, IT IS FISHY. (and never work for the company that bought Detroit Ball Bearing).

It was weird....a little grieving, but this is finally an open door to do what we really want to do: GET OUT OF THIS STATE! I am not mentioning where at the moment, but they don't get snow and the sun shines all but maybe 10 days of the year. THAT is what I want. And looking at how many jobs that post a day in that location: JUST WOW. When one door opens, another closes...and I, for one, am STOKED. Do I shake the old boss' hand? I'd LOVE TO SO. :)

We've already started purging in the house. I am in AWE at how much STUFF accumulates over 10 years. Take my advice! If you haven't touched it in the past year, CLEAR IT OUT. It makes life SO much easier. I've completely come to understand where the clothes moths have come from in the attic area. YIKES.

I just don't think this is going to be an quick move.....and that really isn't good for the impatient types: ME.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Sandy Hook, Connecticut

The day started out a little differently today as it was. Normally, because of an iron deficiency and Celiac Disease, I sleep until whenever I wake up and get out of bed. This morning, however, I had a 1030 appointment. Right before I left home, I saw a headline that mentioned a school shooting in Connecticut. I didn't take any time to read about it as I was heading out the door and besides, let's be honest: this isn't an uncommon thing to hear about any longer in our society.

I feel SICK even SAYING that: " isn't an uncommon thing to hear about....".

Are we becoming "immune" to tragedies of innocent people?

I will be straight out and honest. Although upon reading the headline, I thought, "Another shooting? That sucks" and out the door I went. But what I didn't realize was the magnitude of this incident and the impact it would have on MYSELF.

It was almost 1130 when I finally was able to get out of the doctor's office. Because my husband asked me to, I called him when I was done. That is when I heard a little more about this shooting. At this point, I believe he told me they were only saying about 4 confirmed dead.

I needed to run to Hobby Lobby for a few things so after I was done talking to my husband, I headed that way. All the way there, I listened to Fox News on Sirius XM. The more I learned, the worse I realized this was becoming. It was in the scrapbook paper aisle looking for a news stream on the iphone when I came across a headline that gave an ASTOUNDING number of deaths. At that point, it was about 18 total, but it was COMPLETELY enough for me to go over the edge.

It was right there and then I started crying. Maybe it was the number of deaths? Maybe it was that it was a school? Maybe the fact that while Sandy Hook just lost their principal, our principal's last day is NEXT Friday? Could it be the fact these kids are the same age as my son? Or maybe it was the fact this school, Sandy Hook, is VERY similar to the school my own children attend. Sandy Hook is rated a 10 on Great Schools' website. The schools in my kids' district are also at 9s and 10s in an affluent area.

My blood sugar started dropping (very wrong timing), but all I wanted to do was see my kids. I was sweating, shaking, desperately trying to finish up shopping for the things I needed, and wiping small streams of tears seeping from the corners of my eyes.

Somehow, I made it through the checkout and to the car.....called my husband again, and lost my emotions completely. I wanted to go home, but I needed to eat because of my blood sugar. I wanted to go to my kids' schools and take them home, but I didn't want to disrupt school and let the Connecticut gunman "win". I wanted to eat, but I wanted to do all of the other things I mentioned.

McDonald's was my first stop. I am "supposed" to be gluten-free due to Celiac Disease, but at that point, I didn't care. I scarfed down a regular cheeseburger and a yogurt parfait (that was Celiac Disease-friendly).

At 230, I was supposed to be at my son's school for his gingerbread house making party, but I couldn't wait that long to see my kids. On my way to school, I called my mother at work. THANK GOODNESS FOR BLUETOOTH CONNECTIONS! I was able to talk and drive at the same time.

SO, while I was hoping Mom would be able to calm me down, I kind of got the opposite.

"You need to get on that school PTA and blah blah blah school security and blah blah".

UGH. Thanks, Mom.

I pulled in first to my daughter's school at 130 (second grade is in a different building as Kindergarten). Upon entering the front door, I went to the small table outside of the office where visitors are supposed to sign in and grab a visitor badge to wear.

That was one thing that pissed me off.

I looked around and nobody from the office came out to question me about where I was going or anything like that (office is all glass walls). Should I have laughed or cried?????? UGH!


Once I put the pen down from signing my name, I grabbed one of the generic visitor badges that was in a pile in a box waiting for other random people to utilize. I didn't even clip it on me. I held onto the badge and proceeded to walk down the hall to my daughter's classroom.

The gym doors were open as I passed and there were kids in gym class running around. I passed what appeared to be a music class with their classroom door open. There were kids sitting in the hall at desks doing possibly makeup work. Still, not one person stopped me, asked who I was or where I was going.


I walked right into my daughter's classroom where the kids were busy working on some math paper quietly. The teacher was at her desk looking down at something and had no idea I even entered the classroom.

It wasn't until my child said, "MOMMY!!" that her teacher even looked up to see what was happening.


I snuck over to her teacher and told her I just really felt compelled to stop in because of the entire Connecticut thing. She looked at my completely dumbfounded and pulled me in the hall so that I could fill her in on things.

With today's technology, that school district couldn't quickly send teachers email to let them know briefly what happened to maybe be on the lookout for any weird or suspicious activity (maybe COPYCAT behavior?).

Obviously, we didn't talk about it in class, but I decided to take my daughter with me to my son's party and since it was about 2p with only about an hour left in school, it wasn't a huge deal.

NOWWWWWW........I got to my son's school and had a hard time trying to find a place to park. This school district ALWAYS has a large turnout of parents at events (which is good!). When my daughter and I walked into the front door, again, there was nobody around to question who we were or where we were going. There isn't even a sign-in sheet for visitors anywhere.


We walked down the winding hall and once again, there are open classroom doors filled with parents and students doing their gingerbread houses. I didn't see one teacher or any other school employee in the hallway and not one person questioned me, stopped me, said hi to me....NOTHING.


For the record, I am not psychopath killer, but who was to say that I didn't turn into a freaky mother toting a weapon?? Sure, a few people know me from school....some may have seen me around.....but they don't KNOW me and I bet most couldn't tell you whose mother I am!

WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE??? WHY are people just permitted to walk the halls of school without being questioned IMMEDIATELY?

While making gingerbread houses, I looked around at the kids around me. ALL of them about 5 years old and in kindergarten. I tried to stay focused on the project at hand, but it was difficult not to think about the parents that have lost their children....the sweet and innocent children like I was amongst today.

When I asked my son's teacher if she heard about Connecticut, she hadn't, either. When I told her about it, she said, "I am so glad out school has the security it does".

Security??? Was she kidding?????


It may be time for this white momma to get involved in some PTA or get beastie and vocal on an administration building/school board.

Sandy Hook had probably one of the greatest systems. Unfortunately, somehow, someway, the suspect was able to get around it.

May God be with the people and families that are impacted in any way by this needless tragedy <3

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Still time left!!

There is still time to enter to win "Catch a Falling Snowflake"! Such talent, Willa!!

Good luck to everyone!! :)

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Prim Ornie Giveaway.....

I found a cute blog tonight while surfing through blogs that I already follow. Tammy made the MOST DARLING little Santa ornament and she wants to give it AWAY TO YOU!! Seriously! It's stuffed with rags and straw so it actually feels like a vintage primitive ornie :)

Head on over and check Tammy's blog out and see sweet little Santa....<3