The day started out a little differently today as it was. Normally, because of an iron deficiency and Celiac Disease, I sleep until whenever I wake up and get out of bed. This morning, however, I had a 1030 appointment. Right before I left home, I saw a headline that mentioned a school shooting in Connecticut. I didn't take any time to read about it as I was heading out the door and besides, let's be honest: this isn't an uncommon thing to hear about any longer in our society.
I feel SICK even SAYING that: "...it isn't an uncommon thing to hear about....".
Are we becoming "immune" to tragedies of innocent people?
I will be straight out and honest. Although upon reading the headline, I thought, "Another shooting? That sucks" and out the door I went. But what I didn't realize was the magnitude of this incident and the impact it would have on MYSELF.
It was almost 1130 when I finally was able to get out of the doctor's office. Because my husband asked me to, I called him when I was done. That is when I heard a little more about this shooting. At this point, I believe he told me they were only saying about 4 confirmed dead.
I needed to run to Hobby Lobby for a few things so after I was done talking to my husband, I headed that way. All the way there, I listened to Fox News on Sirius XM. The more I learned, the worse I realized this was becoming. It was in the scrapbook paper aisle looking for a news stream on the iphone when I came across a headline that gave an ASTOUNDING number of deaths. At that point, it was about 18 total, but it was COMPLETELY enough for me to go over the edge.
It was right there and then I started crying. Maybe it was the number of deaths? Maybe it was that it was a school? Maybe the fact that while Sandy Hook just lost their principal, our principal's last day is NEXT Friday? Could it be the fact these kids are the same age as my son? Or maybe it was the fact this school, Sandy Hook, is VERY similar to the school my own children attend. Sandy Hook is rated a 10 on Great Schools' website. The schools in my kids' district are also at 9s and 10s in an affluent area.
My blood sugar started dropping (very wrong timing), but all I wanted to do was see my kids. I was sweating, shaking, desperately trying to finish up shopping for the things I needed, and wiping small streams of tears seeping from the corners of my eyes.
Somehow, I made it through the checkout and to the car.....called my husband again, and lost my emotions completely. I wanted to go home, but I needed to eat because of my blood sugar. I wanted to go to my kids' schools and take them home, but I didn't want to disrupt school and let the Connecticut gunman "win". I wanted to eat, but I wanted to do all of the other things I mentioned.
McDonald's was my first stop. I am "supposed" to be gluten-free due to Celiac Disease, but at that point, I didn't care. I scarfed down a regular cheeseburger and a yogurt parfait (that was Celiac Disease-friendly).
At 230, I was supposed to be at my son's school for his gingerbread house making party, but I couldn't wait that long to see my kids. On my way to school, I called my mother at work. THANK GOODNESS FOR BLUETOOTH CONNECTIONS! I was able to talk and drive at the same time.
SO, while I was hoping Mom would be able to calm me down, I kind of got the opposite.
"You need to get on that school PTA and blah blah blah school security and blah blah".
UGH. Thanks, Mom.
I pulled in first to my daughter's school at 130 (second grade is in a different building as Kindergarten). Upon entering the front door, I went to the small table outside of the office where visitors are supposed to sign in and grab a visitor badge to wear.
That was one thing that pissed me off.
I looked around and nobody from the office came out to question me about where I was going or anything like that (office is all glass walls). Should I have laughed or cried?????? UGH!
SERIOUSLY??!!!!
Once I put the pen down from signing my name, I grabbed one of the generic visitor badges that was in a pile in a box waiting for other random people to utilize. I didn't even clip it on me. I held onto the badge and proceeded to walk down the hall to my daughter's classroom.
The gym doors were open as I passed and there were kids in gym class running around. I passed what appeared to be a music class with their classroom door open. There were kids sitting in the hall at desks doing possibly makeup work. Still, not one person stopped me, asked who I was or where I was going.
SERIOUSLY??!!!
I walked right into my daughter's classroom where the kids were busy working on some math paper quietly. The teacher was at her desk looking down at something and had no idea I even entered the classroom.
It wasn't until my child said, "MOMMY!!" that her teacher even looked up to see what was happening.
UGH!
I snuck over to her teacher and told her I just really felt compelled to stop in because of the entire Connecticut thing. She looked at my completely dumbfounded and pulled me in the hall so that I could fill her in on things.
With today's technology, that school district couldn't quickly send teachers email to let them know briefly what happened to maybe be on the lookout for any weird or suspicious activity (maybe COPYCAT behavior?).
Obviously, we didn't talk about it in class, but I decided to take my daughter with me to my son's party and since it was about 2p with only about an hour left in school, it wasn't a huge deal.
NOWWWWWW........I got to my son's school and had a hard time trying to find a place to park. This school district ALWAYS has a large turnout of parents at events (which is good!). When my daughter and I walked into the front door, again, there was nobody around to question who we were or where we were going. There isn't even a sign-in sheet for visitors anywhere.
Seriously.....................
We walked down the winding hall and once again, there are open classroom doors filled with parents and students doing their gingerbread houses. I didn't see one teacher or any other school employee in the hallway and not one person questioned me, stopped me, said hi to me....NOTHING.
Seriously!??!!???
For the record, I am not psychopath killer, but who was to say that I didn't turn into a freaky mother toting a weapon?? Sure, a few people know me from school....some may have seen me around.....but they don't KNOW me and I bet most couldn't tell you whose mother I am!
WHERE IS THE OUTRAGE??? WHY are people just permitted to walk the halls of school without being questioned IMMEDIATELY?
While making gingerbread houses, I looked around at the kids around me. ALL of them about 5 years old and in kindergarten. I tried to stay focused on the project at hand, but it was difficult not to think about the parents that have lost their children....the sweet and innocent children like I was amongst today.
When I asked my son's teacher if she heard about Connecticut, she hadn't, either. When I told her about it, she said, "I am so glad out school has the security it does".
Security??? Was she kidding?????
UGH!!!!
It may be time for this white momma to get involved in some PTA or get beastie and vocal on an administration building/school board.
Sandy Hook had probably one of the greatest systems. Unfortunately, somehow, someway, the suspect was able to get around it.
May God be with the people and families that are impacted in any way by this needless tragedy <3
